Exactly three...or four years ago, I almost killed one of my best friends. Twice.
How is this possible? Some of you may ask.
No one could be that klutzy! Others screech.
But never the less. Or is it nevertheless?
His name is Byron, Average dude. Rocker. Goes to Woodlands. Weedlands to most. However, when this happened, we were in grade 6.
Two wicko awesome asian dudes, chillin in down town brown town (Brampton), and we were taking a break from helping at this soup kitchen thing.
So we went out back. Some kids might have pulled out a cigarette.
But me? I decided to prod around in the dumpster.
At that age, dumpsters were fascinating. You never knew if some hobo was going to jump out at you. Anyway, there were no hoboes. After rooting around for awhile, I noticed this green stuff on my hands. Casually, so no one could see me make a fool out of myself (yeah right) I wiped it on the dumpster. Only it didn’t work. Two reasons.
One: The green stuff was more sticky then superglue. I mean, I still see some of it on my hand today.
Two: The dumpster wasn’t exactly clean. Which meant it was dirty. Which meant I just wiped it clean. And that dirt? Yeah, now on my hand.
So still casual, I casually walked over to Byron, and casually tried to wipe off this nasty gunk on his t-shirt.
Have you ever tried to pick off gum from your shoe, and deposit it under a table or something, WHILE trying not to have anyone notice?
Yeah, that was how hard it was . Only TEN-FOLD.
Not being a fool, Byron easily saw my hand coming closer, and jumped up. (He probably saw it because the added “baggage” made a massive shadow fall across the entire alley)
Being a total fool, I got up, and not-so-casually chased him waving my hand in front of me like a jousting stick, and screaming ”I JUST WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND!!!”
This all happened in downtown too. As people stared, we raced down the street, when it happened.
Byron decided to cross the street.
Once again, not being a fool, he looked both ways, before using the agility of a NFL running back to jet across the road.
Once again, being a total fool, using the agility of a pregnant hippo, I ran after him. He turned in horror. At first, I thought the horrified face was because of me. But then, I turned around too. And saw a green van with 5 people inside headed straight for us.
The van itself was not in great shape. The brakes were probably shot too. The driver, probably the mother of the 4 kids at the back was yelling something about haggis when she suddenly saw us in front of her.
She swerved the van so hard, that one of the kids nearly went through a window. He probably would have broken a window. Only the van was so old, there WAS no window.
Anyway, that’s how I almost killed him.
Twice you ask?
Yeah. Unbelievably the SAME thing happened less then 5 hours later.
We were going to Wendy’s afterwards, and the intersection thingie was flashing
DON’T WALK
So of course we walked, thanks to my not-so-casual screams of “C”MON! we can make it!”
We got halfway across the intersection. Until the school bus nearly hit us.
IT veered away, and almost rear-ended a limo with the sign “JUST MARRIED” that just happened to be driving by.
How is this possible? Some of you may ask.
No one could be that klutzy! Others screech.
But never the less. Or is it nevertheless?
His name is Byron, Average dude. Rocker. Goes to Woodlands. Weedlands to most. However, when this happened, we were in grade 6.
Two wicko awesome asian dudes, chillin in down town brown town (Brampton), and we were taking a break from helping at this soup kitchen thing.
So we went out back. Some kids might have pulled out a cigarette.
But me? I decided to prod around in the dumpster.
At that age, dumpsters were fascinating. You never knew if some hobo was going to jump out at you. Anyway, there were no hoboes. After rooting around for awhile, I noticed this green stuff on my hands. Casually, so no one could see me make a fool out of myself (yeah right) I wiped it on the dumpster. Only it didn’t work. Two reasons.
One: The green stuff was more sticky then superglue. I mean, I still see some of it on my hand today.
Two: The dumpster wasn’t exactly clean. Which meant it was dirty. Which meant I just wiped it clean. And that dirt? Yeah, now on my hand.
So still casual, I casually walked over to Byron, and casually tried to wipe off this nasty gunk on his t-shirt.
Have you ever tried to pick off gum from your shoe, and deposit it under a table or something, WHILE trying not to have anyone notice?
Yeah, that was how hard it was . Only TEN-FOLD.
Not being a fool, Byron easily saw my hand coming closer, and jumped up. (He probably saw it because the added “baggage” made a massive shadow fall across the entire alley)
Being a total fool, I got up, and not-so-casually chased him waving my hand in front of me like a jousting stick, and screaming ”I JUST WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND!!!”
This all happened in downtown too. As people stared, we raced down the street, when it happened.
Byron decided to cross the street.
Once again, not being a fool, he looked both ways, before using the agility of a NFL running back to jet across the road.
Once again, being a total fool, using the agility of a pregnant hippo, I ran after him. He turned in horror. At first, I thought the horrified face was because of me. But then, I turned around too. And saw a green van with 5 people inside headed straight for us.
The van itself was not in great shape. The brakes were probably shot too. The driver, probably the mother of the 4 kids at the back was yelling something about haggis when she suddenly saw us in front of her.
She swerved the van so hard, that one of the kids nearly went through a window. He probably would have broken a window. Only the van was so old, there WAS no window.
Anyway, that’s how I almost killed him.
Twice you ask?
Yeah. Unbelievably the SAME thing happened less then 5 hours later.
We were going to Wendy’s afterwards, and the intersection thingie was flashing
DON’T WALK
So of course we walked, thanks to my not-so-casual screams of “C”MON! we can make it!”
We got halfway across the intersection. Until the school bus nearly hit us.
IT veered away, and almost rear-ended a limo with the sign “JUST MARRIED” that just happened to be driving by.
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