BYRON CHRONICLES part. 1, 2.
Yeah. So these were back from request..ah...yeah. Some people were looking for these...and couldn't find them. so here they are. "STOP GAYING ME", and the Byron Homicide, both taken from the BYRON CHRONICLES.
***
This is something that happened to Byron at Weedlands.
Setting: second period English
10:43, Tuesday October 34th. 2003
What happened: Anyway, yeah these two guys were in the front. One was in grade 10. The other? Also grade 10. The rest of the class? Also grade 10.
Anyway, these two guys were in the front. The teacher was writing something on the board, and so her back was turned to the class. Then, it happened.
One of the guys, a tall, gangly, pale fellow reached over...and poked his friend.
His friend was a short, pimply, pudgy kid, who had been eating some candies. Because he had been pushed, his skittles now..well, skittled across the ground.
The pudgy kid (from now on known as pudge-pudge) slowly turned his head. There was this huge vein in his head, his forehead really, and now it bulged out like it was going to pop. And then, it did.
(okok, joking.)
What really happened was that Pudge-Pudge then poked tall gangly man(from now on referred to as tall-tall) a little harder then was needed. Now as we all know there are three types of pokes.
1. The kiddy poke: as in..hehe!! i'm poking the clown!
2. The Industrial-size poke: as in..ok! i'm going try to take out your eye with this poke!!
3. The Economy-size poke: as in..ok! You might as well cut a hole in your side..it would be neater then the hole I"M going to poke there...
So of course Pudge-Pudge didn't do pokes number 1 or 2. But neither did he do 3. No. He did his own poke, which was like a poke level...16.
Tall-Tall then used his awesome spider fingers to tickle the chin of Pudge-Pudge.
Not smart.
So a poking/tickling match ensued, while the teacher, COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS continued to talk of "binomials."
Then THIS happened:
Tall-Tall, had a high, high nasel voice and, at this moment he decided to scream: "STOP GAYING ME!!"
The whole class stopped in shock at this pathetic attempt at a "diss".
The teacher turned around. Just in time to see Tall-Tall scream once more: "STOP GAYING ME!!"
Was the point of this story to be funny? No. To be enlightening? No. The point of this story is to take up space in my blog. And you know what? It did. Mission Accomplished.
Oh, fyi, Byron still has nightmares in which people chase him yelling "STOP GAYING ME!!"
***
Exactly three...or four years ago, I almost killed one of my best friends. Twice.
How is this possible? Some of you may ask.
No one could be that klutzy! Others screech.
But never the less. Or is it nevertheless?
His name is Byron, Average dude. Rocker. Goes to Woodlands. Weedlands to most. However, when this happened, we were in grade 6.
Two wicko awesome asian dudes, chillin in down town brown town (Brampton), and we were taking a break from helping at this soup kitchen thing.
So we went out back. Some kids might have pulled out a cigarette.
But me? I decided to prod around in the dumpster.
At that age, dumpsters were fascinating. You never knew if some hobo was going to jump out at you. Anyway, there were no hoboes. After rooting around for awhile, I noticed this green stuff on my hands. Casually, so no one could see me make a fool out of myself (yeah right) I wiped it on the dumpster. Only it didn’t work. Two reasons.
One: The green stuff was more sticky then superglue. I mean, I still see some of it on my hand today.
Two: The dumpster wasn’t exactly clean. Which meant it was dirty. Which meant I just wiped it clean. And that dirt? Yeah, now on my hand.
So still casual, I casually walked over to Byron, and casually tried to wipe off this nasty gunk on his t-shirt.
Have you ever tried to pick off gum from your shoe, and deposit it under a table or something, WHILE trying not to have anyone notice?
Yeah, that was how hard it was . Only TEN-FOLD.
Not being a fool, Byron easily saw my hand coming closer, and jumped up. (He probably saw it because the added “baggage” made a massive shadow fall across the entire alley)
Being a total fool, I got up, and not-so-casually chased him waving my hand in front of me like a jousting stick, and screaming ”I JUST WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND!!!”
This all happened in downtown too. As people stared, we raced down the street, when it happened.
Byron decided to cross the street.
Once again, not being a fool, he looked both ways, before using the agility of a NFL running back to jet across the road.
Once again, being a total fool, using the agility of a pregnant hippo, I ran after him. He turned in horror. At first, I thought the horrified face was because of me. But then, I turned around too. And saw a green van with 5 people inside headed straight for us.
The van itself was not in great shape. The brakes were probably shot too. The driver, probably the mother of the 4 kids at the back was yelling something about haggis when she suddenly saw us in front of her.
She swerved the van so hard, that one of the kids nearly went through a window. He probably would have broken a window. Only the van was so old, there WAS no window.
Anyway, that’s how I almost killed him.
Twice you ask?
Yeah. Unbelievably the SAME thing happened less then 5 hours later.
We were going to Wendy’s afterwards, and the intersection thingie was flashing
DON’T WALK
So of course we walked, thanks to my not-so-casual screams of “C”MON! we can make it!”
We got halfway across the intersection. Until the school bus nearly hit us.
IT veered away, and almost rear-ended a limo with the sign “JUST MARRIED” that just happened to be driving by.
***
This is something that happened to Byron at Weedlands.
Setting: second period English
10:43, Tuesday October 34th. 2003
What happened: Anyway, yeah these two guys were in the front. One was in grade 10. The other? Also grade 10. The rest of the class? Also grade 10.
Anyway, these two guys were in the front. The teacher was writing something on the board, and so her back was turned to the class. Then, it happened.
One of the guys, a tall, gangly, pale fellow reached over...and poked his friend.
His friend was a short, pimply, pudgy kid, who had been eating some candies. Because he had been pushed, his skittles now..well, skittled across the ground.
The pudgy kid (from now on known as pudge-pudge) slowly turned his head. There was this huge vein in his head, his forehead really, and now it bulged out like it was going to pop. And then, it did.
(okok, joking.)
What really happened was that Pudge-Pudge then poked tall gangly man(from now on referred to as tall-tall) a little harder then was needed. Now as we all know there are three types of pokes.
1. The kiddy poke: as in..hehe!! i'm poking the clown!
2. The Industrial-size poke: as in..ok! i'm going try to take out your eye with this poke!!
3. The Economy-size poke: as in..ok! You might as well cut a hole in your side..it would be neater then the hole I"M going to poke there...
So of course Pudge-Pudge didn't do pokes number 1 or 2. But neither did he do 3. No. He did his own poke, which was like a poke level...16.
Tall-Tall then used his awesome spider fingers to tickle the chin of Pudge-Pudge.
Not smart.
So a poking/tickling match ensued, while the teacher, COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS continued to talk of "binomials."
Then THIS happened:
Tall-Tall, had a high, high nasel voice and, at this moment he decided to scream: "STOP GAYING ME!!"
The whole class stopped in shock at this pathetic attempt at a "diss".
The teacher turned around. Just in time to see Tall-Tall scream once more: "STOP GAYING ME!!"
Was the point of this story to be funny? No. To be enlightening? No. The point of this story is to take up space in my blog. And you know what? It did. Mission Accomplished.
Oh, fyi, Byron still has nightmares in which people chase him yelling "STOP GAYING ME!!"
***
Exactly three...or four years ago, I almost killed one of my best friends. Twice.
How is this possible? Some of you may ask.
No one could be that klutzy! Others screech.
But never the less. Or is it nevertheless?
His name is Byron, Average dude. Rocker. Goes to Woodlands. Weedlands to most. However, when this happened, we were in grade 6.
Two wicko awesome asian dudes, chillin in down town brown town (Brampton), and we were taking a break from helping at this soup kitchen thing.
So we went out back. Some kids might have pulled out a cigarette.
But me? I decided to prod around in the dumpster.
At that age, dumpsters were fascinating. You never knew if some hobo was going to jump out at you. Anyway, there were no hoboes. After rooting around for awhile, I noticed this green stuff on my hands. Casually, so no one could see me make a fool out of myself (yeah right) I wiped it on the dumpster. Only it didn’t work. Two reasons.
One: The green stuff was more sticky then superglue. I mean, I still see some of it on my hand today.
Two: The dumpster wasn’t exactly clean. Which meant it was dirty. Which meant I just wiped it clean. And that dirt? Yeah, now on my hand.
So still casual, I casually walked over to Byron, and casually tried to wipe off this nasty gunk on his t-shirt.
Have you ever tried to pick off gum from your shoe, and deposit it under a table or something, WHILE trying not to have anyone notice?
Yeah, that was how hard it was . Only TEN-FOLD.
Not being a fool, Byron easily saw my hand coming closer, and jumped up. (He probably saw it because the added “baggage” made a massive shadow fall across the entire alley)
Being a total fool, I got up, and not-so-casually chased him waving my hand in front of me like a jousting stick, and screaming ”I JUST WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND!!!”
This all happened in downtown too. As people stared, we raced down the street, when it happened.
Byron decided to cross the street.
Once again, not being a fool, he looked both ways, before using the agility of a NFL running back to jet across the road.
Once again, being a total fool, using the agility of a pregnant hippo, I ran after him. He turned in horror. At first, I thought the horrified face was because of me. But then, I turned around too. And saw a green van with 5 people inside headed straight for us.
The van itself was not in great shape. The brakes were probably shot too. The driver, probably the mother of the 4 kids at the back was yelling something about haggis when she suddenly saw us in front of her.
She swerved the van so hard, that one of the kids nearly went through a window. He probably would have broken a window. Only the van was so old, there WAS no window.
Anyway, that’s how I almost killed him.
Twice you ask?
Yeah. Unbelievably the SAME thing happened less then 5 hours later.
We were going to Wendy’s afterwards, and the intersection thingie was flashing
DON’T WALK
So of course we walked, thanks to my not-so-casual screams of “C”MON! we can make it!”
We got halfway across the intersection. Until the school bus nearly hit us.
IT veered away, and almost rear-ended a limo with the sign “JUST MARRIED” that just happened to be driving by.
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