reruns...sigh...ARE GOOD!

You've seen them before. Simpsons. Family Guy. Even...EVerybody Loves Raymond...But now. SInce i have exams...a rerun BLOG.

This is Dain's (btw, not dayn) fav. blog.

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Well first...History class. American History. Grade 11.

Teacher: Mrs. Synder.

For the past month or so, the classroom has been unbearably hot, Turns out that something was wrong with the thermostat. Mrs. Snyder has been complaining about it for a while now, and so today: results.

Midway through a president presentation (John Quincy Adams…did you know that his dad was a president too?) a strange man came in the room. Dressed in simple coveralls and carrying a toolbox, I knew he could only be one person. I turned to my friend, Nick.

“It’s Santa.” I whispered. “Just look at the tell-tale signs: the overall pudginess, the jolly smile-”

“Shut up. Before I make you shut up.”

“Hah I just remembered! Pudge-Pudge!”

"Matthew."

"Yo."

"Shut upper then you've ever shut before."

"Word?" (That was of course, ME trying to crack a joke.)

“Ok, that’s it.”

Wham.

“OW!”

I rubbed my shoulder. Great, I thought. I’ve developed a muscle spasm in my shoulder. Then I realized who the Santa-man was:

“He’s just the stupid janitor!” I exclaimed to Nick.

No one really noticed, but I’m sure the janitor heard me. So, I subtly decided to sneak a look, to see if he was looking at me, or worse: judging which hammer would hit my head at a greater speed.

I peeked.

He was staring at me. You know in the” Simpson’s” the janitor Willy? Yeah, imagine HIM staring at you. I was so scared.

So of course, I peeked again.

Ok, the man was staring twin holes in my head. I’m sure if I reached up, and touched the top of my head, I’d find a hole…or two. Then it hit me: maybe I could make it better by saying something that would COMPLIMENT his job.

“Uh...I meant…Head of Custodial Engineering…” I croaked. Suddenly-hissing! It was like gas was leaking into the room or something. Nah...couldn’t be…

So of course, I peeked again.

The man was prying a piece of very-important looking piece of equipment out of the wall.

Making no attempt at subtlety, (my teacher never does) Ms. Snyder decided at that moment to say:

“Is that gas hissing out of the wall?”

The whole class quieted down.

Then, Santa-man decided to say this: “Haha. If it is, then we’ll all be dead in about 10 seconds.”

You might think he said it out of fun, but if you were there, then you know better. The man was so serious there was NO way that he could have been sarcastic. No way.

Then to make it worse, Ms. Snyder said, “excellent.”

I peeked at Santa-man. He wasn’t staring at me now, but was cramming something into the wall to make the hissing stop. Only problem was that, the harder he pushed, the louder the hissing got. I could see worried faces going around the room. What if that WAS gas? What if we all died? What if this Santa-man wasn’t even a janitor?

The class quieted down again. I peeked again. WHAT?!

Santa-man was holding a gun! He was aiming at the ceiling, but nevertheless, there was proof! I mean, there was even that little red laser dot like on those sniper rifles.

Turns out it wasn’t even a gun. Just measured temperature. Well. I think my gun theory was better.

But this is the weird part: after he fixed the problem, he left. We closed the door. With like 5 minutes left in class, we heard a weird noise at the door.

IT WAS SANTA-MAN!! He was looking through the window and aiming the gun/”temperature-thing” into the class.

But, hey. Just another day.

pulling a masked magician

So Paul told everyone my 'secret link' and the answers to the questions there of. Oh well.

If you want to know the answers or how to get to the riddles, go to

everythingelsewastaken.blogspot.com

ok Paul, i' [cut] I'm officially releasing my officially official reply on my official site.

Ok. I've decided to blog my response, since no one else was really reading that comments box anymore.

Except you. And me, of course. But this IS my site, and I have the excuse that I just want to read my comments. What's your excuse?

I'm officially releasing my officially official reply on my official site.

For the other people reading this...this is in response to Paul's response to my comments, in the comment box in the 3+6=8 blog.

1. First off, read this:

‘The Columbia Guide to Standard American English.
Genius (n.) has two meanings, and each has two plurals: in both its “guardian spirit” (the genius of the fountain) and its “great natural ability” (a man of great genius) senses, the plurals are geniuses and genii, the latter occurring almost solely with the “guardian spirit” use and only rarely there.
Geniuses is almost universal as the plural in the “natural ability” sense.

So yes, the plural of Genius is Genii.

Hoever, it is RARELY used, and only to describe the 'guardian spirit'use.

But, Genuises, my friend, is use almost universally as the plural in the natural ability sense or for example 'a man of great genius.'

So maybe YOU use Genii to describe yourself...hell yeah, you go Paul. You're truly the 'enius of the fountain'

Second: if I had horrible english...

'I think oyu meant Genii. But with your horrible english who knows?'

...then WHY did you change your spelling of YOUR to YOU'RE after I told you to change it?

Thirdly:
'The point is I got my point across. And either way, if it's proper grammar, it means you have schizo friends. Wouldn't that make you non-existent? A figment of your friends insane brain?'

The point is you got your point across?! Ok buddy, thats just like saying

'Ok, My goal is to achieve my goal.'

If you had realized that you actually achieved NO point, then you would've been able to stop your next sentence, which was...

'And either way, if it's proper grammar, it means you have schizo friends. Wouldn't that make you non-existent? A figment of your friends insane brain?'

Fourthly: what either way? What way are you talking about? And what is proper grammar? How do you draw the conclusion that if 'it' is proper grammar then that means I have schizo friends?

Fifthly: How would that make me nonexistant?

Sixthly: How would that make me 'A figment of your friends insane brain?' (And by 'friends'I'am assuming that you mean 'friend's'.)

Lastly, the reason that earlier I only wrote responses in my comments and not my blog is simple: I only post things that I alone wrote on my blog, OR if I didn't for that case, I would've said it.

Unlike you.

younger years

This was like..age 8

Dad: Hello?

Me:Hi dad! Its me! Will you tell me a story?

Dad: What?! I'm at work! I don't have time to tell you a story now! I'm very busy! Get off the phone. I"m expecting important calls.

Me: Ok dad. I'll just stay here quietly growing up at an unbelievable rate, never spending much special time with my own dad, who's always working.

Dad: Right, right. This is the story of...um..the hydraulic pump (Fig. 1) the wheel shaft (Fig. 2) and the evil patent infringement.

me: No no, a good story!

3+8=6

So I was at my friends house...and his baby brother comes up to me and asks me to help me with his french homework...
Being the nice GOOD influence (NICK) I nicely obliged: So..uh...Bobby..what do you need help with?

Bobby: math.
Me: What?! i thought you needed help with french..(not that I could've helped you with that either..)
Bobby: yeeahh...anyway..help me figure out this homework problem. Whats 3+ 8?

Me: (preparing to launch into my speech)

Well...Bobby. the answer to the long-awaited and much anticipated question: whats 3 + 8? has been debated long before you were born. And heres the answer.

Ok. First, assign the answer a value of x.

x always means multiply, so take the numerator (which is actually latin for 'number eighter') and put that on the other side of the equation.

That leaves you with three on the first side.

So what times three equals eight?

The answer of course, is 6.

Bobby: Gosh..I must have done all the others wrong
Me: These problems seem awfully advanced for first grade, if you ask me.