Ever notice how some people spend so much time dreaming up witty answering machine messages?
 
I called my friend's house, only to get an earful of "Finally got an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it's not working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does......"
 
This prompted me to scream in rage, while bashing my face in (repeatedly) with the phone receiver.
 
Another one I've encountered is...
 
Steve: Hello. Steve and Matt aren't here right now but if...
Matt: Steve, what are you doing?
Steve: I'm leaving a phone message since we aren't here.
Matt: But you left the last one -- it's my turn.
Steve: No, I'm sure it's my turn.
Matt: No, you're incorrect. It's definitely my turn.
Steve: You fool. I know it's ... wait ... Matt ... what are you doing with that frying pan?!?
 
BONK [really loud thud]
 
Matt: Steve is out right now, so please leave your name and number.
 
Yeah.
 

Which meant I walked into the guy on the bike.

I was at softball, and we were facing the Treasure Hunters. However, since my parents decidedly arrived half an hour early, (and stayed!) Gerald and I were squatting on the grass waiting for something to happen. Then, something DID happen.

A guy, clumsily on a bike with colours which were clearly screaming to be put out of their misery happened by. Immediately I discreetly nudged Gearald.

"Hey man, that guy: he looks like Alan. But don't stare him..just glance.'

Immediately I gave him an example of what he should do: a casual glance, turning my head, while scratching my chin.

Immediately he got up, pointed to the guy and said to me, "What THAT guy?!!"

Immediately I got up and walked in the opposite direction of Gerald.

Which meant I walked into the guy on the bike.

Wow. Up close, he DID look like Alan. I straightened my slender, fragile frame, and strolled back to Gerald, who, by this time, was totally ignoring me.

I yawned, and caught a glimpse of another guy. Who happened to look like Alan as well! I was shocked!

"What is this, an Alan convention or something??" I sputtered, while desperately grabbing Gerald's shoulder to show him.

"An Alan convention?!" Gerald regarded me incredulously.

"Yeaah! Look at that guy! That makes 2 whole people that look like Aan!" I fairly screamed. "Look at him!"

As he got closer, I commented, "Oh wait. That IS Alan."

Finally, the embarassment subsided, as I lined up to learn my position for the game.

Silas, our illustriously cool captain: "..and Matt, you be..er..catcher."

As I man-fully took my place behind the plate, I was reminded of the english project we did, where we had to make a sentance with our names in it and every word had to start with the same letter.

I was reminded of the class laughing at me.

I was reminded that I was Matt, who Manly Menstruated Majorly Macholy.

Gabriel comfirmed my analysis loudly, as he declared, "Matt, why are you catcher?"

I turned to him, with confidence, and said, "Because: Maggie isn't here!"

Gabriel turned to Kyle, nodded, and said, "Orr..maybe he SUCKS."

Kyle nodded, and gave me the thumbs up.

I nodded, and turned to the game, where a pitch nearly beaned me on the head. It whizzed by my head, and hit the fence. I waited, knowing that the Ref. would have another ball, like in baseball.

Thirty seconds and thirty litres of sweat later, i realized that there was only ONE game ball.

I looked back at the ball, which was ironically (and enragingly) beside Gabriel, who was grinning at me, while Kyle did that THWAK THWAK THWAK thing with his fingers.

I sighed. It was going to be a long game.